Have you ever woken up with a pit in your stomach, worrying about the day ahead, knowing deep down something isn’t right? It’s a sign — a flashing red light that it’s time for a change. But what if you could embrace that feeling as an opportunity for growth?
If you’re constantly dreading going to dinner with someone, meeting with a particular boss, or don’t look forward to seeing your partner, these are huge signs that you’re not where you’re supposed to be. I’m not talking about reconciliation or patching things up; I’m talking about those unmistakable signs that you’ve veered off course and need to find your way back.
If You Know, You Know — and Chances Are: You Know
Personally, I know the feeling. For me, having just one job was tough. I had more creative energy and passions to explore, and sticking to one thing felt stifling. It became mundane. But expanding into other projects lit me up inside — it surprised me how much it changed everything. Suddenly, I was excited to get up every day, ready to tackle new challenges. I know some of you probably feel the same, whether it’s work or something else.
I can also think back to when I was a full-time caregiver for my young children. While I loved every moment of it, there’s often a conflict when we don’t balance other parts of ourselves. If you’re not using your other talents, a part of you starts to wither, leading to feelings of depression or being trapped. Moms especially tend to push these feelings aside, but they manifest in different ways — whether through unhealthy habits, a loss of self-care, or negative self-talk. These are signs that we’re off our path. Instead of ignoring them, we need to welcome these feelings as a wake-up call. Exploring these longings not only helps us grow but also benefits our families and everyone around us.
When we’re true to ourselves, everything else can flourish.
If you’re unsure where to start, try journaling your feelings or meditating for a few minutes each morning. Ask yourself: Am I happy with where I’m heading?
The answer might surprise you.
Learn to Be OK With Changing Your Mind
No one else can be you, and no one can make your choices for you. It takes courage to stay true to yourself and make mistakes along the way. I’m not sure when we started thinking that making mistakes or changing our minds was a bad thing, but let’s break that belief! You can absolutely change your mind. You could have a great job as a teacher and then suddenly, you realize it’s not fulfilling you anymore.
Read this as many times as you need to — heck, write it in your journal until it sticks. You have permission to change your mind. You are not limited to what you went to school for or what you’ve always done.
The same goes for smaller decisions — like whether to get bangs or not! It’s become a bit of a meme, but you have every right to change your hairstyle or hair color. If you want to be blonde today and brunette tomorrow, that’s your prerogative. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s your life, and you get to decide. (Your hair’s health might steer you in one direction or another, but who ever said wigs were just for celebrities, anyway? Experiment and have fun, no matter your age or life chapter.)
When we allow ourselves to change directions, we’re saving our emotional energy for where it’s needed most. It’s about learning to trust yourself and reserve your strength for the things that truly matter. Changing your mind doesn’t always mean making drastic shifts. Sometimes, it’s as simple as saying no to a commitment that no longer serves you or rearranging your routine to prioritize what makes you feel fulfilled.
Free Yourself from the Judgement of Others by Reframing
Judgment from others is inevitable, but we don’t have to let their opinions dictate our choices.
Whether it’s your neighbor Sally, your mother-in-law Cheryl, or your co-worker Jeffrey offering unsolicited advice, it’s important to remember that their judgment isn’t yours to carry. You can acknowledge their perspective, but you don’t have to accept it. One of my favorite things to remember is the wine snob analogy — you can taste the wine without swallowing it. In other words, you can hear someone’s opinion, but you don’t have to digest it.
When faced with unsolicited opinions acknowledge them with grace, but don’t let them steer you. Practice saying, “I appreciate your input, but I’m confident in my decision.” This simple act of reasserting control protects your emotional well-being.
Another example is if your boss makes a snide comment about your upcoming vacation — “nice for you that you’ll be out of office, but it’s going to be a mess by the time you get back” — you could get offended, or you could respond with grace. Say something like, “I love that you don’t want me to leave, it shows how valuable I am. Maybe we can chat about a raise when I get back.” It’s a way to acknowledge their remark without letting it affect you negatively.
What I’ve learned over the course of having five children, running multiple businesses, and going through a divorce to flourish in my second marriage, is that it is crucial to save my energy for when I need it most. Not everything deserves to offend me.
My emotions are like a water tower, they’re a beautiful, necessary resource that I hold in high regard, but I need to wield that water intentionally, and with care. My family, personal growth, and passions are where I need that resource most, those are the gardens I want to water. I don’t need to spend my water, my emotional energy, putting out someone’s passing spark of a judgemental opinion.
You Deserve Your Own Trust
When external judgment comes your way — and it will, whether from a teacher, in-laws, or coworkers — you have the power to respond kindly and confidently. You don’t have to stop in your tracks just because someone else thinks you should. Keep moving forward on your path. Acknowledge what’s around you, but remember that you are the one in control of your journey.
So to recap: your intuition is your guide, and chances are, it’s been speaking to you already — it’s time to listen. Follow where it leads you, but know that it’s alright to change your mind. And when other people’s opinions inevitably crop up, stand in your integrity and reframe their negativity. Taste the wine, but know that you don’t have to swallow it. Instead, reserve your emotional energy for more important pursuits. Water your gardens, and let other people’s sparks fizzle out on their own.
Easier said than done, right?
Practice makes perfect, and I have to remind myself of these affirmations and insights, too. With time comes consistency. As I always say, you can start your “Day 1” as many times as you need to. You’re worth the effort.
I want to hear from you! Has there been a time when you spent your “water” in places that you now know you shouldn’t have? Sharing your stories helps me and other readers feel seen. Send me a DM on Instagram @quinn.vise, I’d love to chat with you.
Love, Quinn