Let’s talk about something we all experience, especially as working moms during the holiday season. How many times do we put ourselves in “harm’s way” — sacrificing sleep, time, and even money to make the holidays special for our loved ones? 

We often say we put in all that effort out of our love for giving, but sometimes we secretly hope for recognition… 

A thank-you call. 

A heartfelt card. 

A meaningful hug. 

Even if we deny it, a part of us is waiting for that appreciation. It’s not wrong to want gratitude (good manners are important) but as I think we all know, when our giving becomes focused on receiving validation it can lead to disappointment. 

I’ve learned this the hard way with family, kids, and even team members at work. My advice is that if you’re giving, be sure to mindfully come from a pure-hearted place, in other words, do it for the joy of it. If you’re secretly hoping for something in return (a thank you, an acknowledgment, or a pat on the back) be honest with yourself about your own expectations. Martyrs don’t win blue ribbons. There’s no trophy for going overboard with time, money, or effort. Do the internal “work” upfront so that you can set yourself up for a successful and fulfilling gift-giving season. 

Let me put it this way, before you put your energy into a thoughtful gift, check in with yourself — are you okay if there’s no big thank-you? What if your son only sends a simple text saying “thanks” or your teammate barely acknowledges it? Let the act of giving be its own sweet reward. If a “thank you” is crucial to you, make it easy for the other person to express it. That way, you’re setting up the opportunity for connection, not leaving it to chance.

I have an example I can share. Once upon a time, someone gave me a gift while I was at work. I thanked them warmly but saved it to open later because I was on the go; juggling being behind the chair and also leading my team. Later, I learned they’d hoped to see my reaction in real-time. Seeing gift-giving from this perspective really put things into focus for me. Of course, if my friend had expressed their desires up front, I would have intentionally made time to open it with them! So, if having that moment with your loved one matters to you, take the extra step of saying so. 

For example: “I’d love to be there when you open this, I’m excited to see your reaction. Is now a good time?” 

Remember, it’s okay to communicate your desire for that shared moment.

As we move through the holidays, let’s remember kindness (for others and for ourselves), manage expectations, and to give from the heart. Stay thoughtful this season — after all, it’s what makes the holidays truly meaningful.

I want to hear from you! Do you prefer to give gifts in person? What is a gift-giving moment that stands out in your mind, either positively or negatively? Send me a DM on Instagram, you can find me at @Quinn.Vise.

Cheers,  

Quinn