Family life is a wild ride. As a mother of five, I'm here to tell you that not all our relationships are perfect. I wish they were, and maybe in my children's eyes, they are perfect, right? It's a constant journey of self-awareness for me, learning to accept that my children's expectations or visions of a perfect life may not always align with mine. Realizing that I cannot—and should not—control everything is liberating, but it can be confusing sometimes, right?

In West Michigan, where we're surrounded by strong family units, the expectations placed upon our children, including our adult children, can sometimes feel overwhelming. For instance, the obligation to attend every Sunday family dinner comes with its own set of pressures. Missing one can result in disappointment that lingers and affects the family atmosphere for days if not weeks. Establishing independence within these tight-knit family structures can be a challenging, sometimes uncomfortable, experience for everyone involved.

However, there's a certain magic in the foundations of these families. These bonds are not just inherited but actively nurtured and cultivated, creating a deep sense of belonging and identity. It's truly beautiful to witness children who understand where they come from, what their name stands for, and the people who share it with them. They respect and value their parents' hard work, whether it's from a single parent or a partnership. It's a testament to the strength and beauty of familial bonds.

Now, as a parent of some adult children, I find myself navigating the tricky waters of releasing my own expectations and thinking about how we punish ourselves when we don't rise to meet the expectations of our parents or even as we disappoint our children, right? It's complicated, and that's okay. This is part of what makes our relationships rich and meaningful.

Relationships are inherently complex and multifaceted, but you know what? We're better for it. The complexity is what makes us grow stronger and healthier. It encourages us to reflect on our traditions, our daily habits, and the way we communicate with each other. It's about understanding our roles within these dynamics and the importance of mindfulness, especially in how we express ourselves and share our experiences with our children.

Of course, I can only speak to my own relationships, but reflecting on our pasts, those roles and traditions, writing about it, sharing it with our kids…this is why we do what we do, right? But it's also important to be mindful of our tone when talking to our children and sharing those experiences or words of wisdom. As parents, we don't like it when our kids have a tone. It makes us feel judged, disrespected, and unappreciated. 

But what if we spin that around a little bit? What if we're the ones that have a tone when we speak to our kids? And I don't mean that we should give our children trophies because they picked up their laundry basket. But when we talk about our traditions and the stories behind them, we should be mindful of our tone and make sure there is space for them in that conversation. Do they enjoy that family tradition? Do they like it when mom reads to them at night? Is that an enjoyable thing? 

This makes me think of my relationship with my 15-year-old daughter. She is an absolutely divine human being. But that relationship has been deeply cultivated and is a result of me learning from all the mistakes I've made in years prior. 

Now I'm home after school, where I wasn't earlier in my career. I make sure that I am there and have tea ready so that I can say, "You feel like having some tea?" when she walks through the door. It warms my heart when she responds, "Yeah, definitely". That's a win. Tea. Something so simple, yet so powerful. 

Her granny, who recently passed away, always had afternoon tea, so our after-school tea dates have special meaning for us. They are a way for us to remember my mother-in-law and the sweet love that lives within my daughter. The act of asking her if she'd like to have tea after school, something I know she likes and a nod to the past, is a ritual that helps the two of us connect. 

The foundations of a family can be built in so many different ways - creating a space where your children can communicate about what makes them tick and makes them feel strong…I think that that's important too.  

Always cheering you on, 🤍Quinn