We all carry emotional burdens — sometimes without even realizing it. These hidden weights can cloud our judgment and sabotage our growth. But what if, like petting a fluffy kitten, holding onto these burdens isn’t as harmless as it seems?
Recognizing Emotional Burdens
We often cling to past hurts, justifying our current struggles, but these emotional burdens weigh us down and cloud our judgment. It’s time to face them and move forward.
Let’s start with what I know to be true. Life goes on, and sometimes bad, even awful, tragic, and seemingly insurmountable things happen to us. As women, leaders, mothers, and wives, we often pride ourselves on muscling through things. When I was younger, I had no idea how heavy my emotional burdens actually were, or how often people could sense the strain I was under. I didn’t realize my energy had that much power and that I needed to be mindful of it.
I often used to catch myself thinking, I’ll just tuck those feelings away, or, I don’t have time to deal with this right now. We keep telling ourselves, later, when I’m ready, I’ll address it.
But really, later never comes. We don’t deal with our unresolved stressors, hurts, and problems, because we convince ourselves we have more pressing matters — or that our loved ones around us do, and we need to help them.
Believe me, I’ve been there.
Why We Hold On to Pain
To be completely blunt, in the past I’ve been delusional, spinning stories and excuses about why I couldn’t heal from something, why I couldn’t move forward. Often, the narrative would revolve around something from my past — a breakup, a failure, a moment when things didn’t go my way.
I act this way because when he broke my heart… When I lost my job… When I put myself out there and was told a big ‘no’...
I would cling to these stories, using them as reasons to justify my own bad behavior.
Can anyone relate to this?
We don’t want to have to acknowledge that we’re lugging around emotional baggage, clouding our own judgment, and sabotaging ourselves. These are heavy bowling balls, but they’re a weight we’re familiar with. Heck, we wake up every morning and immediately pick them right back up again.
Carrying around our own burdens is brutal. I’m only talking about it now because I want to help you be free of these heavy emotions.
It’s often fear that stops us from doing what’s good for us, because who knows, someone might judge us. They might judge you for admitting you’ve done something wrong, or setting new boundaries (“I can’t sign up to help with this month’s soup kitchen, I need to use that time of the week for mental rest, thank you for understanding”), or going against the current.
Wounded or otherwise, I let fear of judgment rule my life for far too long. It held me back from doing the right thing, from caring for others, and from having honest conversations.
Letting Go: The Fluffy Kitten Analogy
I’ll admit, bowling balls might not be the cutest visual. Well let’s flip the coin over and look at this same tough subject in another way. I imagine holding onto this kind of emotional pain to be like firmly petting the softest, fluffiest cat you’ve ever seen.
(For those of you who know cat breeds, picture a Ragdoll kitten. Or better yet, see below!)
As all cat lovers know, cats are not entirely trainable. They can be shy, feisty, playful, sharp, and intelligent — among so many other things — but above all, they have a will of their own. As comfortable as it is to figuratively sit in place and smother that little fluffy kitten, don’t forget that she has claws, and can’t truly be tamed. Don’t become stuck in trying to make her something she’s not. If you try too hard, you just might end up getting the claws. You have to accept her and let her be free. You have to let her go.
The good news? Letting that little kitten (your emotional pain) off your lap opens up all kinds of space for you to grow.
We have to work on releasing those comfortable-yet-uncomfortable aches. It’s easier to keep doing what we’ve always done, even if it’s toxic, than to let go and build new habits. We trauma bond with others over our shared pain because it’s relatable. We become pessimistic and find dark humor in being proven right. But just because it’s common doesn’t make it right. Even with our partners or coworkers, unresolved issues often lead us to treat them unfairly.
Taking Responsibility and Moving Forward
To use another furry-friend visual, taking out our own emotional pains on our loved ones is like kicking a dog — you know it’s wrong, but you do it because you’re hurt, frustrated, or unwilling to face what’s really bothering you.
I used to do that. I’d blame my job or my relationships for why I wasn’t succeeding. I looked for a scapegoat instead of taking responsibility. It clouded my judgment, and I misplaced my frustrations. I didn’t want to change myself, not really. It was easier to think the problem was external, that someone else needed to be better, not me.
Right now we can all decide to be better, because you deserve to be unburdened. As we move ahead, let’s focus on releasing the emotional burdens that weigh us down. Set down those heavy bowling balls, let the fluffy kitten up off your lap, let sleeping dogs lie, and make space for the growth and freedom that awaits you.
Think about what you want your next month to look like. For me, it’s all about reducing conflict and distractions. I journal, plan, and get logistical about my goals. If you haven’t started a journaling practice or used a calendar to plan things out, now’s the time. Even if you’ve tried and failed, don’t give up. Start day one as often as you need to.
I’m cheering for you. I’m hoping these words give you courage and clarity. I can’t wait to see where you are in 2025 and hear about your journey — whether it’s in motherhood, your career, or simply growing into your authentic self.
Cheering you on, friends.
Love, Quinn