Ever notice when someone has something on their mind, but they just won’t say it? My husband introduced me to a phrase that sums it up perfectly: “It looks like you have an elephant in your pocket.”

This is such a funny phrase, but it holds true in so many situations. This phrase (which I now use in any applicable situation) actually came about when my husband and I were dating. He’d notice me drifting off into thought, staring into space, completely lost in my own mind. 

He’d say, "It looks like you have an elephant in your pocket." 

At the time, I remember thinking, What in the world? What does that even mean?

An “elephant in your pocket” refers to someone clearly holding something inside that they want to share, but they haven’t yet. Now, after almost 17 years of marriage, this phrase has evolved within my personal relationships, and I even use it in my coaching at the salon. 

Whether it’s good or bad, you can tell when someone wants to say something. Maybe it's someone feeling nervous about asking you out or proposing, or a friend that’s planning you a surprise party. Maybe someone feels the need to confront you about a serious issue. Or, in the beauty world, it could be a guest who isn’t thrilled with their hair or nail color, but hasn’t voiced it yet. You can sense that they’re holding back, and their body language gives them away.

I think we often forget how powerful our body language is. It can speak volumes, sometimes even more than words. That’s why I like to use this phrase with my teammates or employees to break the ice. It’s a gentle way of saying, “I can tell you’ve got something on your mind.” 

Sometimes we aren’t even aware of our own body language until it’s called out. Closed posture and crossed arms, a creased brow, avoiding eye contact, and so many other little tells can hint that there’s something stirring beneath the surface. So, if I say, "Hey Angela, it looks like there's an elephant in your pocket," it’s a sweet, non-threatening way to invite someone to share what they’re holding back. It shows them that I’m present, that I see them, and that they’re in a safe space to open up. This phrase works well with children, spouses, or in the workplace, but the point is to recognize those physical signs of needing to communicate. It’s a lighthearted way to bring awareness to body language while fostering honesty and open conversation.

When I offer this observation to folks who are unfamiliar with the phrase, it breaks the ice beautifully. Sometimes there’s a chuckle of confusion, and then after thinking about it, they take the invitation to open up.

So, if you ever notice someone showing signs that they need to talk but haven’t yet, try using "elephant in your pocket." It’s a simple way to connect and let them know you’re there, truly present, and ready to listen. At the end of the day, communication isn’t just about words — it’s about being present, paying attention to what’s not being said, and creating a safe space for others to share. Next time you notice someone with an “elephant in their pocket,” take the chance to break the ice and open up a meaningful conversation.

Have you ever noticed an “elephant in someone’s pocket” and broken the ice about it in your own unique way? I’d love to hear how you approach those moments or any ice-breaking phrases you use. Let’s chat — DM me at @Quinn.Vise!

Love, Quinn