When I was first getting going as an entrepreneur, my personal fitness became, unfortunately, optional. 

I was always, and I say this in the fond tone of a proud business owner, putting out fires. Whatever was in the most danger was getting my attention first and foremost. 

I hadn’t yet considered that my body was and is the most important tool for success within my business. As a salon owner, I’m on my feet all the time, and yet, in the hustle and bustle of operating my business my physical self went to the bottom of my to-do list.

I already knew that this was happening in my role as a mother. I would martyr myself, and easily put everyone else in my family ahead of me. But back then I never thought that the same thing was happening within my professional life. There were always Profit and Loss sheets that needed to be looked at critically, or a disgruntled salon guest to attend to, or interviews to be hosted because we need to look at boosting sales. It’s always something, isn’t it?

Add those two things together, running a business and being a mother, and you guessed it…

My own well-being completely fell off a cliff! 

I want to share with you here what I had to take a hard look at, in order to start putting my wellness higher up on my own list.

1. Do not associate your journey with numbers. Delegate that worry to someone else, if you can.

So much of my success with my fitness has come from having a wall of separation between me and any numbers associated with my fitness. AKA: my weight.

Lara Livingston at LivingStrong is my guide on my fitness journey (I hope anyone, local or otherwise, reading this looks her up!) Lara is the cream of the crop when it comes to personal training. She grew up here in West Michigan; she’s a sassy gal with a smart mind, and a memory like an elephant. She's the person that I go to when it’s time to be weighed. 

She tracks what my weight has been, no joke, over the course of the last 20 years. Our time together can go a little something like this…

Lara: “Alright, it’s time to get weighed!”

I go to the scale and I do not look.

Lara, in her infinite wisdom: “Oh, looks like you're up by five. We'll have to check in next month.” Or, “This week, you're down by one.” 

I never have to worry about what the overall number is myself. I leave that to Lara.

My journey with my own fitness came to a head about 18 months ago when I noticed a pattern. Every single day, when writing my to-do lists, my goals, or re-reading entries in my journal, whatever it was, I had a line that said, more or less, “get fit.” 

Every single day. Seriously. I had finally had enough of myself and really committed to taking my fitness seriously. I started to try a lot of things, and ultimately found that what I needed was someone like Lara to hold me accountable, and take on the worry of where my numbers were going. That way, I can focus on being present and consistent.  

I had plenty of trial and error moments along the way as I tried to figure out what was going to work best for me. For some of us, being social (a key part of my fitness) and getting moving means linking up with only one person, while for others it’s going to a large gym with 50 other people who happen to be there at the same time. 

The latter can be super intimidating. For me, in that second scenario, I just don't feel comfortable. My mind starts to focus more on the other people — possibly due to the industry that I am in, always smiling and chatting with others, but more likely simply because of my personality. Caretaking is instinctual for me. I end up focusing more on everyone else, when really, time at the gym is meant to be about taking care of myself. 

Acknowledge what works for you and what doesn’t, and don't shame yourself. I hate how we shame ourselves!

Find your Lara. Find someone who can help you get your booty moving, okay?

2. Sleep. How fit are you during the other half of your life?

If we’re lucky, a good chunk of our days is dedicated to sleeping. Recharging, resting, and resetting before we tackle the next day head-on.

Now when I said I don’t live by the numbers, I do have an exception.

While I’m not sponsored by either of these products, I have to say that I do so enjoy having data about how my levels are faring while I’m sleeping. I’ve been wearing an Oura Ring for some time now, and am also currently testing a Whoop bracelet band.

To speak about the Oura Ring since I’ve been using it for a while, it’s a ring for your finger that you wear constantly. It tracks your heart rate, measures your body temperature — for those of you that are on fertility journeys, this might be especially helpful — and much more. It has a corresponding app that compiles all of your data, which I find super usable. This has been a key tool in helping me understand my sleep health. (More to come regarding the Oura Ring vs. the Whoop band, in regards to my personal thoughts on both of them, in next week’s blog.)

Of course, I have to also underline the importance of caring about your bed. Look at the pillows. Look at what you're wearing. Do you get cold at night to get hot at night? What is the best material for your sheets with that in mind? Make sure that you're addressing all of those things to set yourself up for success sleep. Doing a hard look at my sleeping environment and rituals was a huge help for me. 

3. Martyrs don’t win blue ribbons. Change your mindset.

I want to preface this section by stating that I am currently in a good place, as far as my weight and fitness are concerned. With that said, I still carry some emotional shame scars because of how far down the list I used to put myself. Everything and everyone else came before me.

It didn’t win me any blue ribbons. And it certainly didn’t help me take care of my own wellness.

What I’ve learned is that when you are number one on your to-do list, everybody else benefits in a really beautiful way. From your smile. From your ability to empathize. From the space it gives your heart, so that you can then extend kindness. From your capacity to process things and think quickly on your feet. 

Your physical health sets the tone for everything else in your life, and ignoring it, shoving it down to the bottom of the list, will catch up to you either when you choose, or at the most inconvenient time possible.

I went to my physician for a yearly checkup recently, and she asked me with curiosity, “how have you done this?”

She was referring to the amount of weight that I have lost. If you refer back to point number one above, you’ll recall that I don’t look at or focus on my weight in terms of numbers. 

So I said to my physician: “You know what? This might be obscene, but I started not giving a f*ck .” 

I realized that I have to be number one, because everyone else — without any ill will intended on their part — is perfectly okay with you martyring yourself.

I had to stop giving a f*ck. I had to be my own first priority, because if I’m hurting, if I'm stressed, if I have some deep seated resentment based on not caring for myself... 

My finances are affected because of my poor choices. 

My employees and my teammates are impacted because of my empty cup or lack of warmth. 

I can’t be present and in the moment with my loved ones.

I end up feeling like everybody is always wanting more and more from me, while I grow increasingly empty. 

And friends, I share this with you because I've been down that dark path. I’ve been the one who’s been really hurting. I’ve been in that place of confusion, of not knowing how I allowed myself to become so neglected by the one person who is always supposed to be on my side, no matter what: myself.

When you finally, finally learn this lesson, that your wellness needs to be #1 on your to-do list, everything else flourishes. 

 And honestly, I think it's those little decisions that add up day after day. Make those little efforts, they can become positive habits, and positive habits add up to a better lifestyle. You can start day one as many times as it takes. I had at least five years of daily journal entries, begging myself to try to make a change. If I can do it, you can, too. 

Know yourself. Find your Lara. Get serious about your sleep. Make sure you're number one. 

Gosh, I love you guys. I'm really praying over you that you can find that secret sauce for yourself. Know that I'm cheering you on, and if you get a minute send me a DM on Instagram. I love hearing from you.

🤍 Quinn

*Invictus: meaning unconquerable or undefeated in Latin — in other words, never give up!