When it comes to competition, what are you afraid of? 

As a mom of five and wife of an Aussie athlete, let me just go ahead and declare: I am an authority on competition. I’ve seen all shades of sibling rivalry, from playful to downright heated. My husband still has a few old racing injuries, so between the two of us, we know a thing or two about big, competitive personalities.

If you’ve got a household filled with passionate people, this blog is for you.

Your Competition Isn’t the Enemy—Your Ego Is

Let’s think about this classically. Sports. I love a good, clean match-up. Always have. They sharpen you. They humble you. And more than anything, they give you clarity.

I’ll never forget watching my oldest daughter race for USA Cycling. Sometimes she trained like a machine and you could just feel she was going to dominate. Other times, well… let’s just say she was still figuring things out (hello, teenage years).

There was one race in particular she didn’t win—another girl who was undeniably faster flew past her. In the car on the way home, my kiddo expressed how she was upset about losing. I measured my response, and then asked if she believed that the other racer deserved to win. I braced myself, knowing that asking this could backfire. But instead of spiraling, my daughter said something that floored me:

“She was a beast out there. She earned it.”

Boom. That right there? That’s the heart of a champ. I was so proud. 

Teach ‘Em to Tell Themselves the Truth

So just like that, I learned that when my kids don’t win, I don’t coddle them. I ask the hard questions:

• Did you train harder than the person who beat you?
  
  

• Were you focused? Self aware?
  
  

• Or… did someone else simply work harder this time? Do you think you were truly overlooked?
  
  

It’s not judgment—it’s reflection. My job isn’t to always deliver trophies or hugs.  It’s to help them face themselves with honesty and grace. And sometimes, the truth is: It just wasn’t your turn.

That line has lived in our house forever. “I know it’s tough to take, but it just wasn’t your turn today.” And sometimes, that’s the whole truth. You worked hard. You showed up. But it wasn’t your moment. That’s life. And learning to accept that takes strength.

From the Field to the Career Ladder

This lesson doesn’t stop on the soccer field. It follows you into adulthood, into careers, into business. Let’s talk about stylists, for example. 

I’ve worked with some in the, as I call it, self-care industry who throw their hands up when they feel frustrated. (“My books just aren’t full anymore!”) So, out come the tough questions. As their mentor, I’ll say something along the lines of, “When was the last time you posted on social media? Or attended a networking event?” 

Crickets.

None of us want to be convicted. But sometimes we need to be. Just like kids who want the ribbon but skipped a few practices, adults do the same. It’s human. But the sooner you get honest, the sooner you can course-correct—and ultimately win.

Sometimes You Have to Work 10x Harder

I’ve learned in business by losing:  that has translated to my kids: This might not be your naturally gifted thing. And that’s okay. But if you want to compete, and you want to win at this, you might need to work 10x harder than everyone else. Not because life’s unfair—but because life’s honest.

Take the cult classic movie Rudy. Total underdog. No muscle, no speed, no real “genetic advantage.” But he had heart. He loved the game. He kept showing up. And in the end? That heart got him a moment no one could take away.

That’s the kind of character that competition builds.

Final Thoughts: Know Who You Are—Then Go All In

The world has a way of sorting the serious from the sideliners. And it’s beautiful. Not everyone is built for the grind, the game, the glory. Many choose a life of predictable outcomes, and the path of low to no risk. But if you want to see what you’re made of, don’t shy away from competition. Lean in. God, I love that part. Getting down in the ‘dirt’ and learning about myself—I didn’t used to, but I’ve realized I’m not actually going to die from giving my all. 😆

Whether you’re coaching a child, mentoring a team member, or just trying to better yourself—ask the honest questions:

• Did I really show up?
  
  

• Did I really give it my all?
  
  

• Am I doing what it takes—or is my ego just wishing for it?
  
  

At times, it’s tough love, but healthy and even difficult competition doesn’t break people. It builds them. I say keep your desire to win in life rooted in truth, humility, and heart, and that will push you to become the fiercest, kindest, most authentic version of yourself.

So go ahead—lace up the cleats, zip up the jersey, put your hands in with your team—and play with everything you’ve got! You might not get the blue ribbon every time, but my goodness you’ll win the hearts of many along the way. Most importantly, the one reflected back at you in the mirror. 

Said with love, 

Quinn